ain't that a kick in the head...

just recently i came across this... artist-confessions.tumblr.com/…

so... how do i feel about it...? hmmm... u want the 'good' answer... or the true answer...? *evil grin*

well like any normal artist i would b lying if i say that i am not the slightest annoyed by that statement... but... as i go through my day drawing & eating & taking care of my grandkids & pondering on this matter... i find that he/she is right... it seem that all that i ever draw these days r nothing but linearts & more linearts... & i also notice that i don't get as much comments as i used to... & i also get a lot of generic comments like 'cute' & 'nice'... & also a lot sentences that has the phrase 'as always' or 'as usual'...

so i guess that part is right... it seem that i have fallen into a comfort zone & i have grown too lazy to climb out... & ever since i ventured into the wild wild world of professional drawing... i have become like this guy

*sigh* drawing for money sure sucks not only the inspiration but also the soul of the artist... as i browse about my older drawings... i could see that my older work although lacks in techniques... they are more alive & 'happier' than the ones i make now...

i used to draw with a cheer & smile... not just chasing deadlines & money... pressure pressure pressure... especially when u r told to do things that r completely not your style... then u will start to lose the 'soul' in ur work... & it will be about keeping up with what the boss wants... if they don't like what u make u'd have 2 change it over & over again... u have a deadline hanging on ur head & they seem to think that u can whip up drawings in minutes... while paying u with peanuts... >"<

[oh... take note that i am definitely not ranting about my boss at a certain online stamp company... i think by now a lot of people already know what i am talking about... this company i absolutely to work with... they give me a lot of freedom of creativity & never force me to stray away from my style... XD]

but... being a freelance u can't survive working with only 1 company...

anyway... going back 2 the topic... 1 statement that i don't really like is the part of me asking people to color my work... i NEVER asked anyone to color my lines... it just something that started after i joined DA for like a year or so & people started asking me if they can color my drawings... & since i don't have my own computer at the time my notes would pile up with all  these messages asking for permission... so in order to save time (& out of lazyness) i just write down the permission to color in my comments so that i won't b bombarded by so many notes... & it all just escalated from that & now i have people coloring my lines on a daily basis...

it's something that i never anticipated when i joined DA but i never regretted it... thank you so very much 4 that... ^^

here in malaysia a cartoonist doesn't necessarily have to color their own work... so i guess i just got swept away by the routine... i am also not as young as i used to b (i been here 8 years) & now it seem that i am not as high spirited & full of energy as i used to b... i don't know how 2 describe the feeling... it's like... just... tired... drawing is no longer about trying out new things & discovering how far u can go... it's just something u have to do 2 pay the bills...

this doesn't mean that i will make some drastic change... but... it does make me want 2 remember how it used to feel like to just create something that randomly pops into our heads... how much fun & how much frustration is put into each creation... & how i would envy other artist with their techniques & wanting 2 learn how to do it too... discover new things & just going wild...

i want 2 b like that again... ><

well... about the coloring part... yeah i admit  i been too lazy 2 practice lately... ( more like the past few years) maybe i could start again... i may not have photoshop or any other fancy softwares in my home computer... but at least there's gimp... i am not looking 2 create a masterpiece yet just the basics... may i could start spending a few hours a week just 2 work on my color sense...

but... i need to finish my project first... until april...

life is cruel... TT^TT

on the other side of life... just a few days ago one of our most beloved & oldest cat just died... she was our original cat apart from the adopted ones... a calico oriental i believe (she's a mix between normal cat & siamese) it wasn't from sickness or accident... she just got really old...

of course we r sad especially my sister because this was her favourite cat... but she had a full life & well loved... i hope she moved on peacefully & we will always have her in our memory...

she left us with a daughter & granddaughter & a great grandson... & they will continue to be apart of our family...

the weather here have become scorching hot these days... making it quite unpleasant 2 go out... even with an umbrella i can still feel the sun boiling my brain whenever i go out... ==;;;

what else... about the person who wrote that tumbler... he/she said to have known  me even before DA... hmmm... so i guess he/she must b local & someone i know(?) because before DA people only c my drawings in magazines once in a blue moon... or up close & personal...

to whomever made that statement... thank you very much... i feel like i just got a kick in the head... it's not a pleasant feeling... but it sure made my vision clearer...

gomen-ne minna san... i will do my best & strive to b better...



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