back from the dead...

it seemed that i have disappeared from the face of the earth, yet again. so sorry about that. i haven't been posting anything new in my gallery because i haven't been drawing in quite a while. for the past few months, it seemed that i was swept away by this huge wave of pressure discomfort & self loathing. every time i tried to draw, it would take me a long long long time to even create one image. it's like the idea is there, but i am moving reaaaalllllyyyyy sloooooowwwwww...

i get so frustrated every time i draw. it's like i am so pressured that all the fun in drawing has flown out the window. maybe i am just too stressed out by work. i guess this is what people say about how drawing for money would suck away your freedom & imagination. i just feel so stumped that i decided to just stop drawings for a while. well... aside from work because i need to pay the bills... but this in turn doesn't help me to lower my stress level & i still get frustrated every time i want to draw...

 this world is so cruel to artists...         

how's the weather been on your side of the world lately? mine's been crazy hot & humid... ever since the beginning of the year, a crazy heat wave have been hitting my country... they said that it was caused by the shifting of the earth's orbit where we are closer to the sun, and it gets hotter in a lot of places especially in the tropics... or whatever... maybe we are finally experiencing the full effects of global warming that environmentalists had been warning us about & been ignored for decades... or aliens  stealing our ozone...

all i know that it's so damn hot... if it's just sunny, it wouldn't be so bad, since i live in the state that grows paddy, so we are used to drought seasons. but, couple the heat with humidity, & it becomes unbearable. it's like being in a sauna 24/7... it doesn't cool down even in the wee hours of the morning... & this crazy weather's been giving  bad affects on me...  my head throbs almost every day, i have no energy to concentrate on anything, especially drawing, and lately i been gaining a  lot of weight because i can't get out of the house because it's so damn hot. i have a sore throat that never goes away, and i can't sleep at night. & this in turn makes my headaches worse & robs me even more of my energy...        :bademoticon: 

sigh...          

to my commissioners, i am sorry for the silence. it's not that i don't want to draw your commissions, it's that i can't concentrate enough to make the best quality drawings that i could make for you. i think most of you know, i don't draw anything half-heartedly... if i can't put my feelings into my work, then i'd rather not draw.

in any way, i am doing my very best to recover. sometimes there's nothing that we can do to heal, but just wait it out. i am still waiting... i hope i get my happiness & passion as soon as possible. there is some glimmer of hope, i am already able to draw  chibies. it's a start.

maybe i could open up some chibi commissions to buy me at least a portable air conditioner to cool my head down.        

oh ya, i discovered that now we can edit the activity widget to not show everything. i decided to give it another try, & set it to show only my personal updates. thought it would be easier than updating the journal, then i could write stuff more often. however, i do wonder, does anyone even read them...? if not, i guess it would go back to being inactive.

that's all for now... i hope u are well, wherever u are in the world. & thank you for reading my rants...