year of mourning for the country...

the last time that i was in the mood to write journals, tragedy struck the country with the disappearance of malaysian flight MH370 plane, which seemed to have vanish into thin air... & now, while we are still wondering and searching for the missing plane... another tragedy has befallen the nation...

it was about an hour after midnight (malaysian time) i was watching a midnight movie, when my sister rushed to the front of the tv, and told me to turn on the news channel. & then i heard it. just a few hours before, yet another malaysian plane have crashed somewhere in the ukrainian border. & this time, almost 300 lives were lost.

for a while, i was in silence, i just sit there and watched the news. it is believed that the plane was shot down from the sky, with a missile or something. & since it happened at the border of two countries, that had been in turmoil for a long time, we are not sure who was responsible for the act. russia is saying ukraine did it, while ukraine is pointing fingers at russia. somewhere in the middle, they say that the insurgents or terrorists did it, so it has nothing to do with any government of the country.

but no matter which party was to blame, only one most important fact remains, 300 innocent souls were already lost. 300 friends and loved ones of so many people. so many people, devastated by the tragedy. what should've been a time of happiness, with eid  coming in a few weeks,has become the saddest time for our country.

2 planes, almost 600 lives. have there ever been such a terrible tragedy such as this in the history of the world. it's just so sad.

to the people whom have lost their loved ones in this tragedy, no matter who you are, my thoughts and condolences along with the people of this country, are all going to you. please be strong. i'm sure that the lost ones would want for you to carry on. keep them in your heart, and pray for them.

al-Fatihah... may their souls rest in peace in the after life.

last week thursday, i was came by by a personal loss. my grandfather passed away. it was quite sudden, he was not seriously ill or bed-ridden from a long time or something like that, but i guess it's just old age. he had a case or diarrhea for a couple of days, before he was hospitalized that day. my mom and sister went to see him, i wanted to also but due to absence of transport i couldn't. i was thinking that maybe i could go the next day.  but then God decided to take him away that very evening. he just left, when everyone is not looking. my mom said, she and my aunts and uncles went out for just a short while, and came back & he was already gone.

maybe he didn't want to trouble anyone, that's y he left like that. but then, i was sadden by this. i didn't get to see him for the last time. a few months back, he did asked to see me. but because i was too occupied with my own troubles, i didn't take the time to go and see him. i was thinking, that i have more time. i can see him this eid. but i was wrong. & now, i am left with nothing but sadness and regret.

funny how in death we finally realized how much someone means to us. u know, my grandfather had dozens of grandchildren and even a few great grandchildren, and he could never remember the names or any of them, ha ha... we would always turn to someone and asked, whose child is this? but, out of all, he would always recognize me. never once he asked who i am, even when his eyes went blurry a few years back (he had laser surgery to fix it later) that makes i'm quite special to him, since i am his first grandchild. he even asked the name of my younger brother sometimes, and he's only number two.

sigh... this only makes me sadder. i should've been there for him. should've visited him more when he was alive, instead of getting to caught up in my own issues. nothing else i can do now, but carry on his memories, and pray that his soul is put in a good place.

i'll be strong grandpa. or the name that you and grandma gave me would be a waste. hot and bright, as the sun. that's what they want me to be. i should be better to my grandmother. my grandfather loved her very much.

remember... be good to your loved ones while u still can. don't do around thinking u have more time, because tragedy & death can strike at any time.